The life advice I gave my 17-year-old son this week

My youngest child, James (pictured right, at his year 11 formal, July 2024), started his final year of secondary school last week.

The school requested the year 12 parents write a letter of encouragement to their child; a letter to be read by the student during year 12 camp, which was held earlier this week.

This is an extract from the letter I wrote.

I started my last year of secondary school in 1983 when there was no internet, no mobile phones and only three television channels. I was a year younger than you at the same stage of schooling – I turned 17 halfway through my final year of school (although it was called college in Tasmania).

I wasn’t sure what I was good at and had no sense of what job I might want to do, other than I knew my boyhood dream of playing test cricket for my country was not realistic.

Forty-two years later I have lived in four cities across two countries, visited 23 other countries, had four different employers, worked for myself for 22 years, been married twice and am the father of three children.

Self-determination theory (a person’s ability to make choices and manage their own life) suggests that we all have a fundamental need to feel in control (autonomy), capable (competence), and connected to others (relatedness).

We’re more likely to be motivated and thrive when these needs are met.

I want you to thrive, James, and I know you can thrive because your foundation for life is sound.

I have experienced many ups and downs in my life and, consequently, learned a few things you might find useful in achieving autonomy, competence and relatedness in your own life.

Here’s a short list.

1. Understand your values (what’s important to you). These will guide you in making better choices about study, work, career, relationships, and many other things that will lead to a fulfilling life.
2. Build your human skills. Tech capability is important but those who have the best and most rewarding personal and professional lives are those who build their human skills, especially relationship-building skills.
3. Your family and friends are your biggest supporters; never take them for granted. Nurture relationships with those who care about you and those who care about you in return.
4. Explore life’s many options while you’re young and have few significant responsibilities. One of the best things I ever did was travel and then live and work in London for two years. It changed my perspective on the world for the better.
5. Be curious. Asking the right questions (of yourself and others) at the right time is one of life’s most underrated skills.
6. Be persistent. Most people give up too easily or jump from option to option without giving anything a chance to work out. You will be surprised how success comes simply because you are prepared to stick at something for longer than most others.
7. Back yourself: Trust you have what it takes to make something work and give it your best shot. Even if you don’t succeed, you’ll learn valuable lessons on the way.

Your life has many possibilities, and you have the skills and traits to take many different paths. Make the most of the options you have. Mum and I will support you every step of the way.

Love Dad

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Photo (below): Day one of school at Bentons Junior College, January 2013.